You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
