Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize