Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
