I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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