Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
