Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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