there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize