You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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