Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
