I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
porn star boner night. come get it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
