Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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