I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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