so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
