I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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