mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
