Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
