Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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