so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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