i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
