Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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