at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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