Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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