Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
