he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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