She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
