So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
