Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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