I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
