I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
