I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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