hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
