So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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