I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i think my tv is drunk
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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