it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
it glows. i had to have it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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