lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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