3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This baby is an asshole
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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