this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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