i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
