it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
