how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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