right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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