Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
