also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
