every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize