just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
