the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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