Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
