areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
