i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize