My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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