theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Do vagina's smell?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
