I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
