Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
