What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
