wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
