So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
