he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
