i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
