i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
