Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
