what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
