Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
