If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
