dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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