Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dignity is for republicans.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
