My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Found the puke drawer
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize