It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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