he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
