I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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