We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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