that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
