Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
