Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
His nipple licking is glorious
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