did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
