You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So vagazzling was a success
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize