"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
