i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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