I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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