I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
