I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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