I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
