I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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