awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
