College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
