You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Bring me that man meat
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
