"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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