I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
