even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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