i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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