wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
40s are totally the cure
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
