Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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