Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
if only i could text you this smell
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize