At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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