How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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