WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
