If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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