Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
