so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize