so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
