Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
