I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
