It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You are a genius and a whore.
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