Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
