I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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