Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
