I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Fuck me I smell like cheese
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
