how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
