before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
