Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
