By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
