I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
