Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
